I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
