I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
