i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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