can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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