we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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