Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
