I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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