Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
