counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
