tell your sister to shave her snatch
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
