..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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