They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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