I am in a vortex of obligation.
I could make wine with my vomit
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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