Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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