Moan for me like Helen Keller
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
