She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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