he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
