i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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