people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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