Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
