Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
