my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize