Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
