I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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