This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
