You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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