For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I need a burrito and a hug.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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