she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
