Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
