Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize