Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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