I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
