dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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