What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
