We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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