need another drink. this is the easiest way
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
me + whiskey = a bad person
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
