I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
