just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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