Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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