question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
