he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
