i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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