literally had 100 drinks last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize