god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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