so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
