He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
