some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
