i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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