i think my tv is drunk
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
