Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
