what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
