Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
