I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
