Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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