Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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