before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
