dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
