woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
