omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
