if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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