How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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