Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
