I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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