well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm sobbing to NWA
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
