I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
