True but thats because hes a fetus.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize