i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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