upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
