soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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