I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
